Monday, March 23, 2015


The puzzle piece
Does not fit
You keep trying 
Because you want it
To be the one
You ignore
The fact that it is not 
Desperate for it
And willing to accept
The imperfectness of it
All the while
The truth is
No matter how you try
To force it
Turn it
Twist it
The edges just do not match
And with great sadness
You have to start over
Looking for the
Right piece
In the right puzzle
No longer willing
To settle for trying
To make the wrong piece

~Renee Monique

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Saving Grace(s)

I have always likened my journey to that of a butterfly and the metamorphosis that takes place when we work on ourselves and transition from a caterpillar into something more beautiful, so to speak. There were points along the way when I felt like I was almost there. I have to say though that I had no idea what that really meant until I was broken. Broken open. 

Just before I was broken open, two things occurred which I believe were divinely guided given the rough road that lay ahead for me. These two things have ended up being my saving grace during such a difficult time. 

The first thing was I started walking back in Faith. The past couple of years I had been on different spiritual quests but hadn't nurtured my relationship with God. I went back to church and throughout my days have strengthened my communion with Him only to find that He has been there all along and is steadfast and true. I had always sought external to myself for happiness and really for the first time was staring into this hole inside of me that had been temporarily patched through the years, but never truly stitched up and healed properly. When I had no where to turn I went inside and just prayed to help me help myself. 

The second thing that happened just prior to being broken open was my son cut out an article from our local paper for a butterfly event. I didn't know what to expect but went by the event. I was in awe. Butterflies were everywhere as were caterpillars and chrysalis. These wonderful people were actually on a mission to save the monarch butterfly which is becoming extinct. And even greater was that I could do it as well. I left the event with everything I needed to start raising butterflies. What a beautiful distraction for me that holds such great symbolism during my path of growing and becoming the person I was created to be. Every cycle from egg, to caterpillar, to chrysalis, and into a butterfly feels like a parallel milestone for the steps I am taking. 

I found myself facing a fork in the road. I could either stay as I was, unchanged, OR use this opportunity to take an in depth look at myself and no matter how hard and painful, choose the path that allowed me to grow into wholeness. I had to start picking up the pieces and chose number two, which was to start my journey into wholeness. Mind you this has not been an easy feat. I can honestly say I am far from perfect. We all are. But there is beauty in awareness and acceptance of yourself with all those imperfections and mistakes. Each one that I acknowledge and learn from feels like a step in the right direction. 

I am grateful for the process. I am learning to stay in grace during the blessings as well as the burdens. I know I will come out of this a better me. Just taking one step at a time, trusting in Him and allowing the process to happen as it will. Just me, Him and my butterflies. 

Saturday, February 7, 2015

Broken Dreams

When forever
Becomes over
Becomes never
And the tears
Threaten to drown
Me in sorrow
When the projector
Keeps playing
The memories
In my mind
And my heart
Is a gaping wound
Of despair
Where the trust
In loving me more
Became too much
Surrounded by
And emoticons
And letter abbreviations
That no longer exist
Just white space
In the end
Was real
And fairy tales
Don't come true
Deeply saddened
By the loss of what was
How to proceed
In this reality
Without you
There are
No words
For these eyes
Are crying
For the promises
That will
Never be
My naked finger
A constant reminder
Of our broken dreams
If I had only...

~Renee Monique