tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27706400349117961032024-02-19T08:57:43.532-08:00My JourneyRenee Monique Brubakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05636677463828764074noreply@blogger.comBlogger34125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770640034911796103.post-32700005744854109312015-03-23T21:33:00.001-07:002015-03-23T21:33:32.922-07:00Puzzled...<span style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">The puzzle piece</span><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Does not fit</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">You keep trying </div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Because you want it</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">To be the one</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">You ignore</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">The fact that it is not </div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Exact</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Desperate for it</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">And willing to accept</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">The imperfectness of it</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">All the while</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">The truth is</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">No matter how you try</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">To force it</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Turn it</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Twist it</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">The edges just do not match</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">And with great sadness</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">You have to start over</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Looking for the</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Right piece</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">In the right puzzle</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><div>No longer willing</div><div>To settle for trying</div><div>To make the wrong piece</div><div>Work. </div><div><br></div><div>~Renee Monique</div></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div>Renee Monique Brubakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05636677463828764074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770640034911796103.post-64904854215391425032015-02-24T07:15:00.001-08:002015-03-23T21:15:57.463-07:00Saving Grace(s)I have always likened my journey to that of a butterfly and the metamorphosis that takes place when we work on ourselves and transition from a caterpillar into something more beautiful, so to speak. There were points along the way when I felt like I was almost there. I have to say though that I had no idea what that really meant until I was broken. Broken open. <div><br></div><div>Just before I was broken open, two things occurred which I believe were divinely guided given the rough road that lay ahead for me. These two things have ended up being my saving grace during such a difficult time. <div><br></div><div>The first thing was I started walking back in Faith. The past couple of years I had been on different spiritual quests but hadn't nurtured my relationship with God. I went back to church and throughout my days have strengthened my communion with Him only to find that He has been there all along and is steadfast and true. I had always sought external to myself for happiness and really for the first time was staring into this hole inside of me that had been temporarily patched through the years, but never truly stitched up and healed properly. When I had no where to turn I went inside and just prayed to help me help myself. </div><div><div><br></div><div>The second thing that happened just prior to being broken open was my son cut out an article from our local paper for a butterfly event. I didn't know what to expect but went by the event. I was in awe. Butterflies were everywhere as were caterpillars and chrysalis. These wonderful people were actually on a mission to save the monarch butterfly which is becoming extinct. And even greater was that I could do it as well. I left the event with everything I needed to start raising butterflies. What a beautiful distraction for me that holds such great symbolism during my path of growing and becoming the person I was created to be. Every cycle from egg, to caterpillar, to chrysalis, and into a butterfly feels like a parallel milestone for the steps I am taking. </div></div><div><br></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I found myself facing a fork in the road. I could either stay as I was, unchanged, OR use this opportunity to take an in depth look at myself and no matter how hard and painful, choose the path that allowed me to grow into wholeness. I had to start picking up the pieces and chose number two, which was to start my journey into wholeness. Mind you this has not been an easy feat. I can honestly say I am far from perfect. We all are. But there is beauty in awareness and acceptance of yourself with all those imperfections and mistakes. Each one that I acknowledge and learn from feels like a step in the right direction. </span></div><div><br></div><div>I am grateful for the process. I am learning to stay in grace during the blessings as well as the burdens. I know I will come out of this a better me. Just taking one step at a time, trusting in Him and allowing the process to happen as it will. Just me, Him and my butterflies. </div></div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqIVYACOMHyYPPYyfUyzQqG2hnJFe-VdxLNsTOIF1UCxK-cYVH7LBrHpbdNqK8FirUPUv87WNHVTzpd9ff7KyisyJ33xqOeemY8lYEezhPNcdTmeL7wTwQPxCV8cpR0s8CS0F2fIF9Zfc/s640/blogger-image--2115027567.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqIVYACOMHyYPPYyfUyzQqG2hnJFe-VdxLNsTOIF1UCxK-cYVH7LBrHpbdNqK8FirUPUv87WNHVTzpd9ff7KyisyJ33xqOeemY8lYEezhPNcdTmeL7wTwQPxCV8cpR0s8CS0F2fIF9Zfc/s640/blogger-image--2115027567.jpg"></a></div>Renee Monique Brubakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05636677463828764074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770640034911796103.post-75916609413962470282015-02-07T21:20:00.001-08:002015-02-08T03:18:34.321-08:00Broken Dreams<span style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">When forever</span><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Becomes over</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Always</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Becomes never</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">And the tears</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Threaten to drown</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Me in sorrow</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">When the projector</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Keeps playing</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">The memories</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">In my mind</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">And my heart</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Is a gaping wound</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Of despair</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Where the trust</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">In loving me more</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Became too much</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Surrounded by</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Emptiness</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">And emoticons</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">And letter abbreviations</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">That no longer exist</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Just white space</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">In the end</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Pinocchio</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Was real</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">And fairy tales</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Don't come true</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Deeply saddened</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">By the loss of what was</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">How to proceed</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">In this reality</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Without you</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">There are</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">No words</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">For these eyes</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Are crying</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">For the promises</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">That will</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Never be</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">My naked finger</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">A constant reminder</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Of our broken dreams</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">If I had only...</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">~Renee Monique</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div>Renee Monique Brubakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05636677463828764074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770640034911796103.post-72491214215235789972014-12-17T12:48:00.001-08:002014-12-17T12:48:27.949-08:00Authentic Me<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Time to leap<br></span><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Beyond the resistance </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Propel myself forward</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Take a stand</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Trusting, but not knowing</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Where I may land</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Having come too far</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">To acquiesce now</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Look to the sky</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Surrender</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">It is my time</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">To shine</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Embrace the woman</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I am becoming</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">The doors before me</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">None of them marked</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">My path is open<br>Which endeavor to choose</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Nothing to lose</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">It is my time</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">To soar</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">And to fly</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I am confident</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I will reach new heights</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">There are no limits</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">To what l can do</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I believe<br>In my power<br>To succeed</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">And to become</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">The authentic me</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I have always dreamt</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I could be</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">It is my time...</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">~Renee Monique<br> </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></div>Renee Monique Brubakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05636677463828764074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770640034911796103.post-76529281347661866022013-12-04T12:48:00.000-08:002013-12-04T12:48:03.738-08:00Silent Conversations<div style="text-align: center;">
<em><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I am a conversation waiting to happen. </span></em></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Or conversations (plural). </span></em></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Many of them disguised as internal turmoil.</span></em></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The ways of my youth more deeply ingrained than I imagined.</span></em></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">At any one time an image will appear and the conversation I want to have,</span></em></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">(that can't seem to master the trek it requires),</span></em></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">refuses to escape my lips and produce actual sound.</span></em></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Swallows me whole.</span></em></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I found this today written on several little post it notes, in my handwriting. The problem is, I do not know if I wrote it or if I read it and wrote it down because it resonated with me so deeply. It is not beyond me to write something that so profoundly depicts my internal state of being at times, but I do not want to take credit for it just in case I am not the original owner. I thought I would share it either way as I believe I am not the only one who has traversed the bridge that growing up silent requires.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Worth noting: I have recently found the voice to the conversations I have in my mind and it has been liberating on a level that I could never have fathomed. There is freedom in speech. Now I am finally able to connect the dots.</span><br />
Renee Monique Brubakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05636677463828764074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770640034911796103.post-30278713083235101242013-07-12T12:29:00.002-07:002013-12-10T13:31:25.025-08:00Change Your Mantra<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Dear Renee,</span><br>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">After a long night of contemplation and troubled sleep, you have awakened to the realization that it is time for you to change your mantra. Your old habits, patterns and messages no longer serve you. You are currently in a cycle of endings. Every aspect of your life right now is drawing to a close. The fear of it all is terrifying, we know. It is this fear and these thoughts that have kept you vacillating and in a state of unrest. A prisoner of sorts in a prison of your own making.</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span><br>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">It is time for you to change your mantra. It is time to embrace your awakening, rebirth and the unknown. It is time for you to relinquish your safety zones of familiarity. You cannot grow into the person you are meant to be if you choose to remain still. Your new mantra needs to embody the love of self, deservedness, power, capability, truth, authenticity and belief in all that you are, because you are all of that and more.</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span><br>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">You can do this. You will do this. </span><br>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span><br>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">It is time to change your mantra to one that will reflect the beauty waiting to unfold before you. Embrace the ending of this chapter with an all-knowing purpose. Tighten your seat belt on this roller coaster ride. Surrender and stop fighting your way to it.</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span><br>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">We won't let you fall. We are here to love and guide you through it. Trust.</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span><br>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">With Grace and Gratitude, always.</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span><br>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">In Light and Love,</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Your Angels</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span><br>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span>Renee Monique Brubakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05636677463828764074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770640034911796103.post-69069117071694428282013-05-03T10:25:00.002-07:002013-05-03T10:25:45.898-07:00This time...<span style="color: black; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>This time I will get it right</em></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>I tell myself</em></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>Been there</em></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>done that</em></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>This time will be different</em></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>It has to be</em></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>How else will I be able to</em></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>learn and grow</em></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>and own</em></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>this path that I am on</em></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>This time I will heed the valuable lessons</em></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>I have learned</em></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>Allow them to seep into my being</em></span><br />
<em><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">planting seeds of renewal</span></em><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>This time I will stand in my truth</em></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>and applaud my courage</em></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>and ability to leap</em></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>into the unknown</em></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>This time and always</em></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>I will come from a state of </em></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>grace and gratitude</em></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>letting those emotions prevail over</em></span><br />
<em><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">the vice that clenches my heart</span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">This time was the last time</span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-family: Times;">This time..... I am getting it right.</span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-family: Times;"></span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-family: Times;"> ~Renée Monique</span></em><br />
<br />
<br />
<em><span style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: Times;"></span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: magenta; font-family: Times;"></span></em><br />
<span style="color: magenta;"></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #8e7cc3;"></span>Renee Monique Brubakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05636677463828764074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770640034911796103.post-84729163275663924732013-05-02T11:20:00.000-07:002013-05-02T12:09:41.780-07:00Winds of ChangeI believe the windy conditions outside today are symbolic of the winds of change blowing deep within my spirit and soul. I have been sitting on the cusp of taking a leap of Faith and trusting, or staying frozen in fear, for quite some time now. Even the thought of taking a leap of Faith has riddled me with angst. How can I let go of the false security that I have surrounded myself with? Who would catch me? I have envisioned myself high up in a tree, standing out on a branch ready to take the leap and my feet are frozen in place. I seek and search for the courage and strength to fly, but fear engulfs my being. It steals my voice, my worth, my hopes, my dreams and my belief in possibilities. Fear has paralyzed me pretty much my whole existence, but only in the past year or so have I become aware enough to understand and challenge it. Standing in our Truth and being honest are paramount to our existence. I believe this is the hardest, and one of the most valuable lessons I am learning. Throughout my life I have placed blame for my actions, justified them, avoided the truth, created a false front for the world to see, all in order to live within the fantasy of my mind and have momentary highs within my being. All of this is out of a need to feel wanted, loved and whole. It is very scary when you start to do the work of coming home to one's self and realizing, not only have I hurt myself, but other people, in order to try and fill the void within my heart and soul. I have lied. I have loved. I have lost. I have created. I have blamed. I have not lived an authentic life and for that I am sorry. I apologize to myself, the universe and all that I have encountered along my journey who fell prey to my unhealthy ways. It is scary when I look in the mirror and come face to face with my wrongs. It would be very easy right now to try and interject and portray the goodness of me and the hugeness of my heart, but that is not in dispute. What I am trying to do is dig into my place of shame, look at it, share it, and allow myself to be vulnerable enough to recognize it, stand in it, own it, figure out how to forgive myself, and start the healing process. I was searching for quotes about Truth the other day and I came across this one by Kurt Cobain. It said... "Pretending to be someone you are not is a waste of the person you are." I had to really think about that and ingest it into the depths of my soul. I have spent my life pretending to be someone that I am not because the real me felt unworthy and not good enough. No more. I am ready to stand in my Truth and my power. Having a voice and speaking one's Truth can be a very scary thing. I know this and have lived it. What I am learning though is that it does not have to be. Anything that is done from a place of love, and with the right intention, is what matters. We have to let go of the attachment to outcome, stay present in the moment, Trust, and know that we are not alone. I have never been a fan of the wind, but today as I sit upon this cusp of awareness, I welcome its movement and apparent freedom, blowing as it may....spreading seeds of change within my being.Renee Monique Brubakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05636677463828764074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770640034911796103.post-10618464769164405502012-12-04T16:41:00.001-08:002012-12-04T16:50:00.669-08:00Beauty in NatureWhile taking my son to school yesterday morning this beautiful rainbow appeared before our eyes. What a glorious way to start the day!!! <br/><br/><div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp5g9oC4-QWE1OAuEH0TrAJcabOHWClzudfKqVPPiw056-aJREwjbg8fBbBp_5iIGOZb3PpLQDbYIe43p7x9VF6rvWLVhvpRyzsrjdf9BXPH3ZHFOXIaW3uYqPiUj31H0wUcQpOna2gsM/s640/blogger-image-1377654178.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp5g9oC4-QWE1OAuEH0TrAJcabOHWClzudfKqVPPiw056-aJREwjbg8fBbBp_5iIGOZb3PpLQDbYIe43p7x9VF6rvWLVhvpRyzsrjdf9BXPH3ZHFOXIaW3uYqPiUj31H0wUcQpOna2gsM/s640/blogger-image-1377654178.jpg" /></a></div>Renee Monique Brubakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05636677463828764074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770640034911796103.post-72656093941284276362012-05-19T12:06:00.001-07:002012-05-19T12:06:35.676-07:00Coming Home To MeComing into my own<br />
Is like coming home<br />
To a place I've never known<br />
Discovering who I am<br />
For the first time<br />
So much beauty for me to find<br />
Wrapped up in the discovery<br />
That is all mine<br />
Living and loving in the present<br />
No longer recognizing <br />
The past that bound my existence<br />
Embracing the moments <br />
That surround me<br />
A flower awakening to the new dawn<br />
Showered with sunshine and essence<br />
A soul filled<br />
A heart void of emptiness<br />
Restraints a thing of the past<br />
A mind free at long last<br />
A body flowing <br />
Energy abound<br />
I have found <br />
The path<br />
That will take me home<br />
To a place I've never known<br />
Yes, I am coming home<br />
Coming home to me<br />
Finally!<br />
<br />
~RMB<br />
<br />
Renee Monique Brubakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05636677463828764074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770640034911796103.post-57427517802514701232012-04-17T19:00:00.001-07:002012-04-18T13:24:55.814-07:00The only way out is through...<br />
Unpleasant as it may be<br />
Creating a stronger<br />
More balanced<br />
Me<br />
<br />
Flooded with memories<br />
Long ago buried<br />
Staring me in the face<br />
No denying<br />
<br />
The pain <br />
Resurfacing<br />
Almost too much to bear<br />
<br />
The burden so hard<br />
To carry<br />
<br />
Restraining<br />
<br />
A heart that's tearing<br />
<br />
Releasing<br />
<br />
Pressure increasing<br />
<br />
Promises of beauty<br />
Being loved so completely<br />
Wanting it so desperately<br />
Mine for the taking<br />
<br />
Suddenly<br />
All so clear<br />
In order to take the path<br />
I choose<br />
<br />
The only way out<br />
Is through<br />
I've found<br />
<br />
The only way out <br />
Is through<br />
<br />
~RMB<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Renee Monique Brubakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05636677463828764074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770640034911796103.post-5234869040909443012012-03-27T10:44:00.001-07:002012-03-27T12:54:28.089-07:00Turning a corner...Traveling down the road<br />
With my safety net in tow<br />
Two lanes no longer one<br />
Merge to the right<br />
And follow the path<br />
I've always known<br />
Choose to go left<br />
And live on Faith and Trust<br />
To show me the way<br />
Sit and ponder awhile<br />
Only one option, this I know<br />
Nothing will take away <br />
The love I felt<br />
Although it's time to acknowledge<br />
It was not real<br />
Full of lies and make believe<br />
Take my cart <br />
And tentatively<br />
Put one foot in front of the other<br />
Without looking back<br />
Each little step<br />
Will make me feel stronger<br />
Cutting the strings<br />
To walk on my own<br />
Rainbow in the sky<br />
Guiding me home<br />
To a love of self<br />
I've never known<br />
Tough love opened my eyes<br />
To a world of wonder<br />
Filled with surprise<br />
Turning a corner<br />
In this journey <br />
I am on<br />
Believing I will be shown<br />
The steps I need to take<br />
Until then<br />
I will rejoice in <br />
The new found smile <br />
Upon my face<br />
<br />
~RMB<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Renee Monique Brubakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05636677463828764074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770640034911796103.post-46202341793234089012012-03-17T18:47:00.001-07:002012-03-27T12:55:33.367-07:00I SurrenderI surrender<br />
What I can't control<br />
I surrender <br />
The love that has grown cold<br />
I surrender<br />
The thoughts clouding my mind<br />
I surrender<br />
The me I can't seem to find<br />
I surrender<br />
What was lost and never found<br />
I surrender<br />
With my feet upon the ground<br />
I surrender<br />
My heart that aches inside<br />
I surrender<br />
My ego and my pride<br />
I surrender<br />
All that was and will never be<br />
I surrender<br />
The you that was not for me<br />
I surrender<br />
The trespasses and mistakes<br />
I surrender<br />
The truths I did not make<br />
I surrender<br />
The good times and the bad<br />
I surrender <br />
The childhood I never had<br />
I surrender<br />
Today for my tomorrow<br />
I surrender<br />
My pain and my sorrow<br />
I surrender<br />
For the little girl in me<br />
I surrender<br />
Knowing it will set me free<br />
<br />
~RMB<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Renee Monique Brubakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05636677463828764074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770640034911796103.post-58796630763062134882012-03-09T13:43:00.001-08:002012-03-09T13:43:15.937-08:00Self LoveSeven Elephants Living Freely Like Other Valiant Elephants!<br />
<br />
What is interesting about that statement is how hard my mind worked to come up with a way to remember Self Love. To some it wouldn't even be a thought that entered their mind. When one doesn't have self-love though, and are trying so hard to get/find it, it's a funny thing what the mind will do to remind one of it. <br />
<br />
Interestingly, elephants symbolize the emergence of one's Highest True Self and the number 7 symbolizes perfection and completion. Valiant of course means brave. <br />
<br />
So, if I were to analyze the rhyme I came up with, I would say it is very significant to this part of my journey. Sometimes the mind sees what the heart or self can't. <br />
<br />
Super cool!!!Renee Monique Brubakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05636677463828764074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770640034911796103.post-54955193956131494102012-03-07T13:36:00.001-08:002012-03-07T13:39:40.357-08:00Present in this moment...Here I am in this "woe is me" state and I have to stop, be present in this moment, and acknowledge that I have so much to be grateful for. I have been so blessed and I have a choice as to where I am going to focus my energies. <br />
<br />
What I have to be grateful for:<br />
<br />
My eyesight<br />
My hearing<br />
My limbs<br />
My heart<br />
My health<br />
That I have food to eat<br />
A roof over my head<br />
Clothes on my back<br />
Shoes on my feet (flip flops actually)<br />
A bed to sleep in at night<br />
A job<br />
A truly wonderful son<br />
That I have a car<br />
People who care about me<br />
That I can read and write<br />
That I can think<br />
And feel<br />
And smell<br />
And taste<br />
That I have teeth <br />
That I am alive!<br />
<br />
In life, you win some and you lose some. Being able to walk away having been able to love another is a gift. I truly believe different people have been put in our lives for a reason. To help us grow, change and learn about ourselves. We all have things in our life that maybe could've been said or been done differently. We have had people that we've hurt or been hurt by. We are human. And what matters in this moment right now is that we release the past and that which we cannot change. That we are true to ourselves going forward. And that we are present in this moment, recognizing the beauty within us and around us. And to trust that we are where we need to be right now. <br />
<br />
Amen!<br />
<br />
Renee Monique Brubakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05636677463828764074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770640034911796103.post-12726887012531025102012-03-07T12:28:00.002-08:002012-03-07T12:28:53.389-08:00SerenityI found a glimpse <br />
of who I am<br />
but with one email<br />
I am back<br />
to feeling lost<br />
and alone<br />
No longer welcoming<br />
myself home<br />
I wish I could snap<br />
my fingers<br />
and be all healed<br />
Instead of having<br />
to walk<br />
through these fields...<br />
Full of heartache,<br />
confusion,<br />
emptiness<br />
and more<br />
Where is the strength,<br />
power and<br />
self-love<br />
I was starting to<br />
explore?<br />
My Angels and Guides<br />
please bring them<br />
back to me<br />
Help me on a path<br />
of belief, trust<br />
and serenity.<br />
For it is serenity<br />
that I seek.<br />
<br />
~RMBRenee Monique Brubakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05636677463828764074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770640034911796103.post-3823474772307686112012-03-05T13:40:00.001-08:002012-03-05T14:23:40.068-08:00My Ego and IMy ego and I<br />
Are doing <br />
A little dance<br />
I turn to the left<br />
It swings me to the right<br />
I am a beginner<br />
It is a pro<br />
Hard to block out<br />
It's persistent <br />
You know<br />
I will win this battle<br />
Between my ego<br />
And I<br />
One little <br />
Baby step<br />
At a time!<br />
<br />
~RMB<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Renee Monique Brubakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05636677463828764074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770640034911796103.post-7178735572906949642012-03-04T20:06:00.001-08:002012-03-06T15:36:33.935-08:00What makes me happy....My wonderful son. <br />
The sound of waves crashing on the shore.<br />
The sun on my face.<br />
Beautiful sunsets. <br />
A field of wildflowers. <br />
The sound of laughter. <br />
Laughing until I almost pee my pants. <br />
Summer nights. <br />
A dog's unconditional love. <br />
Romance. <br />
Singing my heart out. <br />
Reading a book that I can't put down. <br />
Chick flicks. <br />
The color brown. <br />
Hearts and butterflies. <br />
Passionate kisses. <br />
The sound and smell of rain. <br />
Tropical places. <br />
Getting paid. <br />
Writing poems. <br />
Surprises. <br />
Thoughtfulness. <br />
Flip flops. <br />
My painted toenails. <br />
Having earned a degree. <br />
Things that smell good. <br />
Trying new recipes. <br />
Planting flowers. <br />
Believing my soulmate exists out there somewhere.<br />
Day dreaming about what it will feel like to be loved and cherished. <br />
Getting into bed at night. <br />
Riding a beach cruiser at the beach. <br />
Doing things for others. <br />
Taking baths. <br />
"I" make myself happy. :)<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Renee Monique Brubakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05636677463828764074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770640034911796103.post-73293119166250599772012-03-04T17:22:00.001-08:002012-03-05T14:24:05.958-08:00I will be okay!Thoughts of you<br />
Taking up space<br />
Emotions<br />
All over<br />
The place<br />
Wanting to <br />
Reach out<br />
But needing to<br />
Let go<br />
Your silence speaks<br />
Volumes<br />
On its own<br />
Love you more<br />
Suddenly has<br />
No meaning<br />
Was it a lie<br />
Or is your heart<br />
Still beating<br />
All that we shared<br />
Can't just<br />
Disappear<br />
Or does your<br />
Pride<br />
Make you really<br />
Not care<br />
Two lives affected<br />
By my<br />
Decision<br />
The tears of <br />
Sadness<br />
Blurring my vision<br />
How do I<br />
Say goodbye<br />
When my heart <br />
Wants to <br />
Hold on<br />
How do I <br />
Say goodbye<br />
As you are<br />
Not the one<br />
In the end<br />
I am doing<br />
The right<br />
Thing<br />
Just can't wait<br />
For the day<br />
Where thoughts<br />
Of you<br />
No longer<br />
Bring<br />
Doubt and pain<br />
Throughout my being<br />
Until that day<br />
I will <br />
Keep plugging<br />
Away<br />
Missing you<br />
But confident<br />
I will be okay!<br />
<br />
~RMBRenee Monique Brubakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05636677463828764074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770640034911796103.post-1385672019010490562012-03-03T14:53:00.002-08:002013-12-10T13:36:23.414-08:00Journey Within My JourneyWhat is it they say...out with the old, in with the new? The hours I spent typing some of my old collection of poems into this blog really took me on a journey within my journey. I feel like I have been purged of so many different emotions, but all with a similar underlying theme. It is interesting to step outside one's self, reflect and note the changes that have taken place. I am grateful for every step that has brought me to where I am at, right now, in this moment. I believe there is beauty around and greatness to be found. Stay tuned for the next chapters of self-love, truth, strength and freedom in my journey. Peace, love and happiness. Always.Renee Monique Brubakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05636677463828764074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770640034911796103.post-25579859010273599272012-03-03T14:38:00.002-08:002012-03-04T17:34:05.272-08:00Her DestinyLost little girl<br />
In a woman's body<br />
Is there any way<br />
For you to find me<br />
So many hurts<br />
Locked inside<br />
Wanting to escape<br />
But easier to hide<br />
Tears of sadness<br />
Running down my face<br />
Fear and loneliness<br />
Taking up space<br />
All I want is for you to hold me<br />
To love me<br />
To help me feel safe<br />
Someone I can trust<br />
To help me learn<br />
How to take away the pain<br />
Of the lost little girl<br />
Who has no name<br />
The memories elude me<br />
But the pain is real<br />
Feels as though someone<br />
Is sitting on my chest<br />
I can't seem to reach<br />
Beyond this emptiness<br />
I want to take your hand<br />
And believe what you say<br />
But how do I know<br />
That you too<br />
Won't hurt me the same way?<br />
The love that I feel is<br />
From the depths of my soul<br />
And you question its existence<br />
When it helps me feel whole<br />
Instead I have found<br />
That everything I want<br />
Is just beyond my reach<br />
Because of the confusion that<br />
Haunts me<br />
Even in my sleep<br />
I love with everything I am<br />
But is it enough<br />
Only time will tell<br />
Of this I am sure of<br />
As the tears begin to fade<br />
There is one thing I know<br />
The lost little girl<br />
Is ready to fight<br />
She's lived long enough<br />
Buried within me<br />
It's time to break free<br />
And surface as a woman<br />
That of which<br />
Has always been<br />
Her destiny<br />
<br />
~RMBRenee Monique Brubakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05636677463828764074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770640034911796103.post-20760316514471592042012-03-03T14:08:00.004-08:002013-12-10T13:36:56.699-08:00He Loves Me<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>The petals</em></span><br>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>Of a rose</em></span><br>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>Tell a story</em></span><br>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>All their own</em></span><br>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>As she sits</em></span><br>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>And pulls each one free</em></span><br>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>Asking the question</em></span><br>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>Of whether or not</em></span><br>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>He loves me</em></span><br>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>All but one</em></span><br>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>Lay on the ground</em></span><br>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>It all comes down</em></span><br>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>To that single petal</em></span><br>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>Her heart begins </em></span><br>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>To flutter</em></span><br>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>Her eyes begin</em></span><br>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>To tear</em></span><br>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>The beauty</em></span><br>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>Of the previous night</em></span><br>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>Still so clear</em></span><br>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>The man for whom</em></span><br>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>The petals fall</em></span><br>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>Snores softly</em></span><br>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>Next to her</em></span><br>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>She slowly smiles</em></span><br>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>And knows</em></span><br>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>Not from the petals</em></span><br>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>Of a rose</em></span><br>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>But deep within</em></span><br>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>Her being</em></span><br>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>He loves me</em></span><br>
<br>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>~RMB</em></span>Renee Monique Brubakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05636677463828764074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770640034911796103.post-76873012034074691382012-03-03T14:03:00.001-08:002013-12-10T13:37:27.127-08:00Always Together<div align="center">
<em><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Abandoned and alone</span></em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><span style="font-family: Times;">With no where to go</span></em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><span style="font-family: Times;">All that I thought I had</span></em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><span style="font-family: Times;">With you</span></em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><span style="font-family: Times;">Was taken away</span></em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><span style="font-family: Times;">Suddenly...today</span></em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><span style="font-family: Times;">I don't even know</span></em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><span style="font-family: Times;">How long it will take</span></em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><span style="font-family: Times;">Until you are once again</span></em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><span style="font-family: Times;">Occupyimg my space</span></em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><span style="font-family: Times;">My inbox is empty</span></em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><span style="font-family: Times;">No texts on my phone</span></em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><span style="font-family: Times;">Just me sitting here</span></em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><span style="font-family: Times;">Lost and alone</span></em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><span style="font-family: Times;">What started out as devastated</span></em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><span style="font-family: Times;">And broken beyond repair</span></em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><span style="font-family: Times;">Has now become numb</span></em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><span style="font-family: Times;">And filled with despair</span></em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><span style="font-family: Times;">Parts of me are angry</span></em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><span style="font-family: Times;">And wanting to lash out</span></em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><span style="font-family: Times;">But I know that isn't fair</span></em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><span style="font-family: Times;">As no one is to blame</span></em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><span style="font-family: Times;">I just have to have Faith</span></em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><span style="font-family: Times;">That if we are meant to be</span></em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><span style="font-family: Times;">You will somehow</span></em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><span style="font-family: Times;">Find your way back to me</span></em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><span style="font-family: Times;">Until that time comes</span></em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><span style="font-family: Times;">I want you to believe</span></em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><span style="font-family: Times;">You are missed and loved</span></em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><span style="font-family: Times;">From the depths of my being</span></em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><span style="font-family: Times;">I no longer feel whole</span></em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><span style="font-family: Times;">Without you in my days</span></em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><span style="font-family: Times;">Take care of yourself</span></em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><span style="font-family: Times;">While we are apart</span></em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><span style="font-family: Times;">Just remember</span></em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><span style="font-family: Times;">We are always together</span></em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><span style="font-family: Times;">In each other's hearts.</span></em></div>
<div align="center">
<em><span style="font-family: Times;">~RMB</span></em></div>Renee Monique Brubakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05636677463828764074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770640034911796103.post-65263945437760583852012-03-03T13:57:00.001-08:002013-12-10T13:38:19.422-08:00OfferingsI offer you my heart<br>
<br>
through my body and words.<br>
<br>
It is the only way I am able<br>
<br>
to give what you deserve.<br>
<br>
Someone to cherish you<br>
<br>
and reach inside your soul....<br>
<br>
Someone to hold on to<br>
<br>
that never wants to let go.<br>
<br>
I offer you my heart,<br>
<br>
please take what I give,<br>
<br>
For it will love you<br>
<br>
As long as I live!<br>
<br>
~ReneeRenee Monique Brubakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05636677463828764074noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770640034911796103.post-61004665709075883032012-03-03T13:55:00.000-08:002013-12-10T13:38:47.561-08:00A Flame BurningA flame<br>
burning<br>
what do you see?<br>
<br>
A heart<br>
yearning<br>
for what?<br>
<br>
Lonely, sad<br>
introspective.<br>
<br>
Two souls<br>
watching<br>
not knowing<br>
what the other thinks.<br>
<br>
A connection,<br>
eyes searching,<br>
Answers<br>
hidden in the flame.<br>
<br>
Words spoken<br>
in silence.<br>
<br>
Reality surfaces,<br>
voices get louder.<br>
<br>
A single breath<br>
<br>
Darkness<br>
<br>
A flame<br>
burning <br>
<br>
What did you see?<br>
<br>
~RMBRenee Monique Brubakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05636677463828764074noreply@blogger.com0