Traveling down the road
With my safety net in tow
Two lanes no longer one
Merge to the right
And follow the path
I've always known
Choose to go left
And live on Faith and Trust
To show me the way
Sit and ponder awhile
Only one option, this I know
Nothing will take away
The love I felt
Although it's time to acknowledge
It was not real
Full of lies and make believe
Take my cart
And tentatively
Put one foot in front of the other
Without looking back
Each little step
Will make me feel stronger
Cutting the strings
To walk on my own
Rainbow in the sky
Guiding me home
To a love of self
I've never known
Tough love opened my eyes
To a world of wonder
Filled with surprise
Turning a corner
In this journey
I am on
Believing I will be shown
The steps I need to take
Until then
I will rejoice in
The new found smile
Upon my face
~RMB
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Saturday, March 17, 2012
I Surrender
I surrender
What I can't control
I surrender
The love that has grown cold
I surrender
The thoughts clouding my mind
I surrender
The me I can't seem to find
I surrender
What was lost and never found
I surrender
With my feet upon the ground
I surrender
My heart that aches inside
I surrender
My ego and my pride
I surrender
All that was and will never be
I surrender
The you that was not for me
I surrender
The trespasses and mistakes
I surrender
The truths I did not make
I surrender
The good times and the bad
I surrender
The childhood I never had
I surrender
Today for my tomorrow
I surrender
My pain and my sorrow
I surrender
For the little girl in me
I surrender
Knowing it will set me free
~RMB
What I can't control
I surrender
The love that has grown cold
I surrender
The thoughts clouding my mind
I surrender
The me I can't seem to find
I surrender
What was lost and never found
I surrender
With my feet upon the ground
I surrender
My heart that aches inside
I surrender
My ego and my pride
I surrender
All that was and will never be
I surrender
The you that was not for me
I surrender
The trespasses and mistakes
I surrender
The truths I did not make
I surrender
The good times and the bad
I surrender
The childhood I never had
I surrender
Today for my tomorrow
I surrender
My pain and my sorrow
I surrender
For the little girl in me
I surrender
Knowing it will set me free
~RMB
Friday, March 9, 2012
Self Love
Seven Elephants Living Freely Like Other Valiant Elephants!
What is interesting about that statement is how hard my mind worked to come up with a way to remember Self Love. To some it wouldn't even be a thought that entered their mind. When one doesn't have self-love though, and are trying so hard to get/find it, it's a funny thing what the mind will do to remind one of it.
Interestingly, elephants symbolize the emergence of one's Highest True Self and the number 7 symbolizes perfection and completion. Valiant of course means brave.
So, if I were to analyze the rhyme I came up with, I would say it is very significant to this part of my journey. Sometimes the mind sees what the heart or self can't.
Super cool!!!
What is interesting about that statement is how hard my mind worked to come up with a way to remember Self Love. To some it wouldn't even be a thought that entered their mind. When one doesn't have self-love though, and are trying so hard to get/find it, it's a funny thing what the mind will do to remind one of it.
Interestingly, elephants symbolize the emergence of one's Highest True Self and the number 7 symbolizes perfection and completion. Valiant of course means brave.
So, if I were to analyze the rhyme I came up with, I would say it is very significant to this part of my journey. Sometimes the mind sees what the heart or self can't.
Super cool!!!
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Present in this moment...
Here I am in this "woe is me" state and I have to stop, be present in this moment, and acknowledge that I have so much to be grateful for. I have been so blessed and I have a choice as to where I am going to focus my energies.
What I have to be grateful for:
My eyesight
My hearing
My limbs
My heart
My health
That I have food to eat
A roof over my head
Clothes on my back
Shoes on my feet (flip flops actually)
A bed to sleep in at night
A job
A truly wonderful son
That I have a car
People who care about me
That I can read and write
That I can think
And feel
And smell
And taste
That I have teeth
That I am alive!
In life, you win some and you lose some. Being able to walk away having been able to love another is a gift. I truly believe different people have been put in our lives for a reason. To help us grow, change and learn about ourselves. We all have things in our life that maybe could've been said or been done differently. We have had people that we've hurt or been hurt by. We are human. And what matters in this moment right now is that we release the past and that which we cannot change. That we are true to ourselves going forward. And that we are present in this moment, recognizing the beauty within us and around us. And to trust that we are where we need to be right now.
Amen!
What I have to be grateful for:
My eyesight
My hearing
My limbs
My heart
My health
That I have food to eat
A roof over my head
Clothes on my back
Shoes on my feet (flip flops actually)
A bed to sleep in at night
A job
A truly wonderful son
That I have a car
People who care about me
That I can read and write
That I can think
And feel
And smell
And taste
That I have teeth
That I am alive!
In life, you win some and you lose some. Being able to walk away having been able to love another is a gift. I truly believe different people have been put in our lives for a reason. To help us grow, change and learn about ourselves. We all have things in our life that maybe could've been said or been done differently. We have had people that we've hurt or been hurt by. We are human. And what matters in this moment right now is that we release the past and that which we cannot change. That we are true to ourselves going forward. And that we are present in this moment, recognizing the beauty within us and around us. And to trust that we are where we need to be right now.
Amen!
Serenity
I found a glimpse
of who I am
but with one email
I am back
to feeling lost
and alone
No longer welcoming
myself home
I wish I could snap
my fingers
and be all healed
Instead of having
to walk
through these fields...
Full of heartache,
confusion,
emptiness
and more
Where is the strength,
power and
self-love
I was starting to
explore?
My Angels and Guides
please bring them
back to me
Help me on a path
of belief, trust
and serenity.
For it is serenity
that I seek.
~RMB
of who I am
but with one email
I am back
to feeling lost
and alone
No longer welcoming
myself home
I wish I could snap
my fingers
and be all healed
Instead of having
to walk
through these fields...
Full of heartache,
confusion,
emptiness
and more
Where is the strength,
power and
self-love
I was starting to
explore?
My Angels and Guides
please bring them
back to me
Help me on a path
of belief, trust
and serenity.
For it is serenity
that I seek.
~RMB
Monday, March 5, 2012
My Ego and I
My ego and I
Are doing
A little dance
I turn to the left
It swings me to the right
I am a beginner
It is a pro
Hard to block out
It's persistent
You know
I will win this battle
Between my ego
And I
One little
Baby step
At a time!
~RMB
Are doing
A little dance
I turn to the left
It swings me to the right
I am a beginner
It is a pro
Hard to block out
It's persistent
You know
I will win this battle
Between my ego
And I
One little
Baby step
At a time!
~RMB
Sunday, March 4, 2012
What makes me happy....
My wonderful son.
The sound of waves crashing on the shore.
The sun on my face.
Beautiful sunsets.
A field of wildflowers.
The sound of laughter.
Laughing until I almost pee my pants.
Summer nights.
A dog's unconditional love.
Romance.
Singing my heart out.
Reading a book that I can't put down.
Chick flicks.
The color brown.
Hearts and butterflies.
Passionate kisses.
The sound and smell of rain.
Tropical places.
Getting paid.
Writing poems.
Surprises.
Thoughtfulness.
Flip flops.
My painted toenails.
Having earned a degree.
Things that smell good.
Trying new recipes.
Planting flowers.
Believing my soulmate exists out there somewhere.
Day dreaming about what it will feel like to be loved and cherished.
Getting into bed at night.
Riding a beach cruiser at the beach.
Doing things for others.
Taking baths.
"I" make myself happy. :)
The sound of waves crashing on the shore.
The sun on my face.
Beautiful sunsets.
A field of wildflowers.
The sound of laughter.
Laughing until I almost pee my pants.
Summer nights.
A dog's unconditional love.
Romance.
Singing my heart out.
Reading a book that I can't put down.
Chick flicks.
The color brown.
Hearts and butterflies.
Passionate kisses.
The sound and smell of rain.
Tropical places.
Getting paid.
Writing poems.
Surprises.
Thoughtfulness.
Flip flops.
My painted toenails.
Having earned a degree.
Things that smell good.
Trying new recipes.
Planting flowers.
Believing my soulmate exists out there somewhere.
Day dreaming about what it will feel like to be loved and cherished.
Getting into bed at night.
Riding a beach cruiser at the beach.
Doing things for others.
Taking baths.
"I" make myself happy. :)
I will be okay!
Thoughts of you
Taking up space
Emotions
All over
The place
Wanting to
Reach out
But needing to
Let go
Your silence speaks
Volumes
On its own
Love you more
Suddenly has
No meaning
Was it a lie
Or is your heart
Still beating
All that we shared
Can't just
Disappear
Or does your
Pride
Make you really
Not care
Two lives affected
By my
Decision
The tears of
Sadness
Blurring my vision
How do I
Say goodbye
When my heart
Wants to
Hold on
How do I
Say goodbye
As you are
Not the one
In the end
I am doing
The right
Thing
Just can't wait
For the day
Where thoughts
Of you
No longer
Bring
Doubt and pain
Throughout my being
Until that day
I will
Keep plugging
Away
Missing you
But confident
I will be okay!
~RMB
Taking up space
Emotions
All over
The place
Wanting to
Reach out
But needing to
Let go
Your silence speaks
Volumes
On its own
Love you more
Suddenly has
No meaning
Was it a lie
Or is your heart
Still beating
All that we shared
Can't just
Disappear
Or does your
Pride
Make you really
Not care
Two lives affected
By my
Decision
The tears of
Sadness
Blurring my vision
How do I
Say goodbye
When my heart
Wants to
Hold on
How do I
Say goodbye
As you are
Not the one
In the end
I am doing
The right
Thing
Just can't wait
For the day
Where thoughts
Of you
No longer
Bring
Doubt and pain
Throughout my being
Until that day
I will
Keep plugging
Away
Missing you
But confident
I will be okay!
~RMB
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Journey Within My Journey
What is it they say...out with the old, in with the new? The hours I spent typing some of my old collection of poems into this blog really took me on a journey within my journey. I feel like I have been purged of so many different emotions, but all with a similar underlying theme. It is interesting to step outside one's self, reflect and note the changes that have taken place. I am grateful for every step that has brought me to where I am at, right now, in this moment. I believe there is beauty around and greatness to be found. Stay tuned for the next chapters of self-love, truth, strength and freedom in my journey. Peace, love and happiness. Always.
Her Destiny
Lost little girl
In a woman's body
Is there any way
For you to find me
So many hurts
Locked inside
Wanting to escape
But easier to hide
Tears of sadness
Running down my face
Fear and loneliness
Taking up space
All I want is for you to hold me
To love me
To help me feel safe
Someone I can trust
To help me learn
How to take away the pain
Of the lost little girl
Who has no name
The memories elude me
But the pain is real
Feels as though someone
Is sitting on my chest
I can't seem to reach
Beyond this emptiness
I want to take your hand
And believe what you say
But how do I know
That you too
Won't hurt me the same way?
The love that I feel is
From the depths of my soul
And you question its existence
When it helps me feel whole
Instead I have found
That everything I want
Is just beyond my reach
Because of the confusion that
Haunts me
Even in my sleep
I love with everything I am
But is it enough
Only time will tell
Of this I am sure of
As the tears begin to fade
There is one thing I know
The lost little girl
Is ready to fight
She's lived long enough
Buried within me
It's time to break free
And surface as a woman
That of which
Has always been
Her destiny
~RMB
In a woman's body
Is there any way
For you to find me
So many hurts
Locked inside
Wanting to escape
But easier to hide
Tears of sadness
Running down my face
Fear and loneliness
Taking up space
All I want is for you to hold me
To love me
To help me feel safe
Someone I can trust
To help me learn
How to take away the pain
Of the lost little girl
Who has no name
The memories elude me
But the pain is real
Feels as though someone
Is sitting on my chest
I can't seem to reach
Beyond this emptiness
I want to take your hand
And believe what you say
But how do I know
That you too
Won't hurt me the same way?
The love that I feel is
From the depths of my soul
And you question its existence
When it helps me feel whole
Instead I have found
That everything I want
Is just beyond my reach
Because of the confusion that
Haunts me
Even in my sleep
I love with everything I am
But is it enough
Only time will tell
Of this I am sure of
As the tears begin to fade
There is one thing I know
The lost little girl
Is ready to fight
She's lived long enough
Buried within me
It's time to break free
And surface as a woman
That of which
Has always been
Her destiny
~RMB
He Loves Me
The petals
Of a rose
Tell a story
All their own
As she sits
And pulls each one free
Asking the question
Of whether or not
He loves me
All but one
Lay on the ground
It all comes down
To that single petal
Her heart begins
To flutter
Her eyes begin
To tear
The beauty
Of the previous night
Still so clear
The man for whom
The petals fall
Snores softly
Next to her
She slowly smiles
And knows
Not from the petals
Of a rose
But deep within
Her being
He loves me
~RMB
Of a rose
Tell a story
All their own
As she sits
And pulls each one free
Asking the question
Of whether or not
He loves me
All but one
Lay on the ground
It all comes down
To that single petal
Her heart begins
To flutter
Her eyes begin
To tear
The beauty
Of the previous night
Still so clear
The man for whom
The petals fall
Snores softly
Next to her
She slowly smiles
And knows
Not from the petals
Of a rose
But deep within
Her being
He loves me
~RMB
Always Together
Abandoned and alone
With no where to go
All that I thought I had
With you
Was taken away
Suddenly...today
I don't even know
How long it will take
Until you are once again
Occupyimg my space
My inbox is empty
No texts on my phone
Just me sitting here
Lost and alone
What started out as devastated
And broken beyond repair
Has now become numb
And filled with despair
Parts of me are angry
And wanting to lash out
But I know that isn't fair
As no one is to blame
I just have to have Faith
That if we are meant to be
You will somehow
Find your way back to me
Until that time comes
I want you to believe
You are missed and loved
From the depths of my being
I no longer feel whole
Without you in my days
Take care of yourself
While we are apart
Just remember
We are always together
In each other's hearts.
~RMB
Offerings
I offer you my heart
through my body and words.
It is the only way I am able
to give what you deserve.
Someone to cherish you
and reach inside your soul....
Someone to hold on to
that never wants to let go.
I offer you my heart,
please take what I give,
For it will love you
As long as I live!
~Renee
through my body and words.
It is the only way I am able
to give what you deserve.
Someone to cherish you
and reach inside your soul....
Someone to hold on to
that never wants to let go.
I offer you my heart,
please take what I give,
For it will love you
As long as I live!
~Renee
A Flame Burning
A flame
burning
what do you see?
A heart
yearning
for what?
Lonely, sad
introspective.
Two souls
watching
not knowing
what the other thinks.
A connection,
eyes searching,
Answers
hidden in the flame.
Words spoken
in silence.
Reality surfaces,
voices get louder.
A single breath
Darkness
A flame
burning
What did you see?
~RMB
burning
what do you see?
A heart
yearning
for what?
Lonely, sad
introspective.
Two souls
watching
not knowing
what the other thinks.
A connection,
eyes searching,
Answers
hidden in the flame.
Words spoken
in silence.
Reality surfaces,
voices get louder.
A single breath
Darkness
A flame
burning
What did you see?
~RMB
Picking Up The Pieces
My head
Can be a very scary place
It consumes me at times
I am not sure how to find
Peace of mind
How is it that I can give
Others the power
To decide how I feel
Why can't I be the one
To look into the mirror
And like what I see
To be the one
That believes in me
You did this
Because of the choices
You made
By letting him do the things
That cause me so much shame
I was just a little girl then
But now I am an adult
Trying to pick up the pieces
And understand
The messages and pain
That still remain
From the ugliness
Of my past
~RMB
Can be a very scary place
It consumes me at times
I am not sure how to find
Peace of mind
How is it that I can give
Others the power
To decide how I feel
Why can't I be the one
To look into the mirror
And like what I see
To be the one
That believes in me
You did this
Because of the choices
You made
By letting him do the things
That cause me so much shame
I was just a little girl then
But now I am an adult
Trying to pick up the pieces
And understand
The messages and pain
That still remain
From the ugliness
Of my past
~RMB
Time Will Tell
I am afraid
To be alone
And unloved
To be the one
No one
Is dreaming of
The one who has
So much to give
Seeking solace
In the words
But sadly
They can't be heard
Because the actions
Don't match
What is said
I don't know
What to believe
How you really feel
About me
Are we going down
This road together
Or will you fade out
And find another
I guess only
Time will tell
To be alone
And unloved
To be the one
No one
Is dreaming of
The one who has
So much to give
Seeking solace
In the words
But sadly
They can't be heard
Because the actions
Don't match
What is said
I don't know
What to believe
How you really feel
About me
Are we going down
This road together
Or will you fade out
And find another
I guess only
Time will tell
The Rain
I sit here
Trying
To focus
On the rain
Falling
The drops
Steadily
Hitting
My window pane
But all I can hear
Is our conversation
Playing
In my mind
Everything
Left unsaid
So instead
Of going
To bed
Allowing
The rain
To soothe
I find that I
Can't sleep
Because as
The drops
Fall
So do the tears
Down my face
Leaving
A trace
Of sadness
That even
The beauty
That can be found
In the sound
Of the rain
Can't erase
~RMB
Trying
To focus
On the rain
Falling
The drops
Steadily
Hitting
My window pane
But all I can hear
Is our conversation
Playing
In my mind
Everything
Left unsaid
So instead
Of going
To bed
Allowing
The rain
To soothe
I find that I
Can't sleep
Because as
The drops
Fall
So do the tears
Down my face
Leaving
A trace
Of sadness
That even
The beauty
That can be found
In the sound
Of the rain
Can't erase
~RMB
I Statements
I am struggling to find
the closure I seek
I am scared to let go
I have no control over
what I don't know
I need the strength
but I don't believe
I can do what it takes
I know what I want
but I feel lost
in this realm I am in
I look in the mirror
don't like what I see
I hurt inside
I want to be
I long to be
I wish
I dream
I cry
I try
I will succeed
I am me
~RMB
the closure I seek
I am scared to let go
I have no control over
what I don't know
I need the strength
but I don't believe
I can do what it takes
I know what I want
but I feel lost
in this realm I am in
I look in the mirror
don't like what I see
I hurt inside
I want to be
I long to be
I wish
I dream
I cry
I try
I will succeed
I am me
~RMB
Second Chances
Quiet
Silent
Introspective
Alone
Seeking
Searching
Looking
Around
Serene
Tranquil
Content
Within
My mind
Pondering
Thinking
Wondering
Where to begin
Redemption
Atonement
Internal Cleansing
Blossoming
New leaves
Ever-changing
Possibilities
Second chances?
~RMB
Silent
Introspective
Alone
Seeking
Searching
Looking
Around
Serene
Tranquil
Content
Within
My mind
Pondering
Thinking
Wondering
Where to begin
Redemption
Atonement
Internal Cleansing
Blossoming
New leaves
Ever-changing
Possibilities
Second chances?
~RMB
Moment In Time
I had a moment at lunch today. Well, actually longer than a moment. But, definitely a moment in time where I was on the inside looking out, metaphorically and literally. It was really quite amazing. Have you ever had a moment where your mind is completely clear, without all the clutter, indecision, and worry, where you can see and hear everything around you, and just feel so peaceful and content? A time where you are truly in the moment, experiencing it, glorying in it? Well, I had such a moment today. There I was sitting at this corner table up against the window, reading a book, while waiting for my order to be up and I happened to look outside. What I saw just soothed my soul in a way that is truly hard to explain. The sky was pristine and blue, with only one cloud in sight, and there were these palm trees slightly blowing in the breeze. In the background I could hear music around the restaurant and spent a moment observing others in the room, wondering silently if they felt it too. I looked back outside and was just drawn once again to the palm trees dancing in the breeze. I can't explain it, but at that moment, everything seemed right in my world. After a time, my number was called and I went back to reading my book and eating my food. But, not before smiling to myself and recognizing how far I've come. I lived so long on the outside (thinking that is what mattered) and (not) looking in (within). Finally connecting within and working from the inside out is very liberating. It has really allowed me to delve into my heart and realize what is important. Awe inspiring really. Journey on. Journey on.
Are You There?
I raise my voice
In prayer
Asking for
Guidance
To all that
I don't
Understand
Wanting so
Desperately
To be
A better
Woman
For once
In my life
I want
To get it
Right
Be worthy
And thoughtful
In the choices
I make
Help me
Please
I can't do it
On
My own
All I ask
Is that
You show
Me the way
I am open
To what you
Have to say
I am seeking
And searching
My heart
Ready
Today
I fear
I am so
Damaged
Beyond repair
Or is there
Hope
Somehow
Some way
Somewhere
I seek your
Forgiveness
Please
Give me a sign
That you hear
My cry
Dear God
Are you there?
~RMB
In prayer
Asking for
Guidance
To all that
I don't
Understand
Wanting so
Desperately
To be
A better
Woman
For once
In my life
I want
To get it
Right
Be worthy
And thoughtful
In the choices
I make
Help me
Please
I can't do it
On
My own
All I ask
Is that
You show
Me the way
I am open
To what you
Have to say
I am seeking
And searching
My heart
Ready
Today
I fear
I am so
Damaged
Beyond repair
Or is there
Hope
Somehow
Some way
Somewhere
I seek your
Forgiveness
Please
Give me a sign
That you hear
My cry
Dear God
Are you there?
~RMB
Until We Meet Again
Alone
I sit
Inwardly
Pained
Trying to
Make sense
Not
Understanding
How
You can be
Gone
One last breath
Death
Too young
Too soon
Unexpected
So much sorrow
No tomorrow
I can't
Comprehend
A heart so
Loving
Failed
In the end
Good-bye
My friend
Until we
Meet again
In
Heaven
~RMB
I sit
Inwardly
Pained
Trying to
Make sense
Not
Understanding
How
You can be
Gone
One last breath
Death
Too young
Too soon
Unexpected
So much sorrow
No tomorrow
I can't
Comprehend
A heart so
Loving
Failed
In the end
Good-bye
My friend
Until we
Meet again
In
Heaven
~RMB
Pretenses
"Our greatest pretenses are built up not to hide the evil and the ugly in us, but our emptiness. The hardest thing to hide is something that is not there."
~Eric Hoffer, Passionate State of Mind, 1955
I wish more people understood the profoundness of this quote. It does not excuse, nor is it justification for, but sometimes I believe it is important to look deeper into a person in order to understand some of the mistakes and choices they've made. In the long run, it is up to the individual to embark on a journey in order to get to the heart of the why and how of the choices and mistakes they've made. Until that realization takes place, the pretenses will continue to be their truth for the emptiness they do not understand or know how to face. Often times, those pretenses aren't a conscious choice. It is what one has come to know, something to cover the fears, a wanting to be something worthy in another's eyes. It is easy to believe that the intent was malicious, but looking deeper in the heart will show, that is not always the case. It is not about trusting another enough with who you are. When you have been so let down and broken by those that you have trusted, why should one believe that this person will be different? Yes, we are all responsible for our mistakes and choices. Yes, it is up to us individually to hold ourselves accountable. But only with understanding, is that even possible. Until then, those pretenses become our protection mechanisms for something so much greater than those who want to blame, or think they know, can comprehend. Do not be so quick to reject the good that you thought you knew, and saw, in a person. I can almost guarantee that if you take the time to understand them, their hurts, their reasons....compassion will ensue.
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