Just before I was broken open, two things occurred which I believe were divinely guided given the rough road that lay ahead for me. These two things have ended up being my saving grace during such a difficult time.
The first thing was I started walking back in Faith. The past couple of years I had been on different spiritual quests but hadn't nurtured my relationship with God. I went back to church and throughout my days have strengthened my communion with Him only to find that He has been there all along and is steadfast and true. I had always sought external to myself for happiness and really for the first time was staring into this hole inside of me that had been temporarily patched through the years, but never truly stitched up and healed properly. When I had no where to turn I went inside and just prayed to help me help myself.
The second thing that happened just prior to being broken open was my son cut out an article from our local paper for a butterfly event. I didn't know what to expect but went by the event. I was in awe. Butterflies were everywhere as were caterpillars and chrysalis. These wonderful people were actually on a mission to save the monarch butterfly which is becoming extinct. And even greater was that I could do it as well. I left the event with everything I needed to start raising butterflies. What a beautiful distraction for me that holds such great symbolism during my path of growing and becoming the person I was created to be. Every cycle from egg, to caterpillar, to chrysalis, and into a butterfly feels like a parallel milestone for the steps I am taking.
I found myself facing a fork in the road. I could either stay as I was, unchanged, OR use this opportunity to take an in depth look at myself and no matter how hard and painful, choose the path that allowed me to grow into wholeness. I had to start picking up the pieces and chose number two, which was to start my journey into wholeness. Mind you this has not been an easy feat. I can honestly say I am far from perfect. We all are. But there is beauty in awareness and acceptance of yourself with all those imperfections and mistakes. Each one that I acknowledge and learn from feels like a step in the right direction.
I am grateful for the process. I am learning to stay in grace during the blessings as well as the burdens. I know I will come out of this a better me. Just taking one step at a time, trusting in Him and allowing the process to happen as it will. Just me, Him and my butterflies.