Monday, March 23, 2015


The puzzle piece
Does not fit
You keep trying 
Because you want it
To be the one
You ignore
The fact that it is not 
Desperate for it
And willing to accept
The imperfectness of it
All the while
The truth is
No matter how you try
To force it
Turn it
Twist it
The edges just do not match
And with great sadness
You have to start over
Looking for the
Right piece
In the right puzzle
No longer willing
To settle for trying
To make the wrong piece

~Renee Monique

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Saving Grace(s)

I have always likened my journey to that of a butterfly and the metamorphosis that takes place when we work on ourselves and transition from a caterpillar into something more beautiful, so to speak. There were points along the way when I felt like I was almost there. I have to say though that I had no idea what that really meant until I was broken. Broken open. 

Just before I was broken open, two things occurred which I believe were divinely guided given the rough road that lay ahead for me. These two things have ended up being my saving grace during such a difficult time. 

The first thing was I started walking back in Faith. The past couple of years I had been on different spiritual quests but hadn't nurtured my relationship with God. I went back to church and throughout my days have strengthened my communion with Him only to find that He has been there all along and is steadfast and true. I had always sought external to myself for happiness and really for the first time was staring into this hole inside of me that had been temporarily patched through the years, but never truly stitched up and healed properly. When I had no where to turn I went inside and just prayed to help me help myself. 

The second thing that happened just prior to being broken open was my son cut out an article from our local paper for a butterfly event. I didn't know what to expect but went by the event. I was in awe. Butterflies were everywhere as were caterpillars and chrysalis. These wonderful people were actually on a mission to save the monarch butterfly which is becoming extinct. And even greater was that I could do it as well. I left the event with everything I needed to start raising butterflies. What a beautiful distraction for me that holds such great symbolism during my path of growing and becoming the person I was created to be. Every cycle from egg, to caterpillar, to chrysalis, and into a butterfly feels like a parallel milestone for the steps I am taking. 

I found myself facing a fork in the road. I could either stay as I was, unchanged, OR use this opportunity to take an in depth look at myself and no matter how hard and painful, choose the path that allowed me to grow into wholeness. I had to start picking up the pieces and chose number two, which was to start my journey into wholeness. Mind you this has not been an easy feat. I can honestly say I am far from perfect. We all are. But there is beauty in awareness and acceptance of yourself with all those imperfections and mistakes. Each one that I acknowledge and learn from feels like a step in the right direction. 

I am grateful for the process. I am learning to stay in grace during the blessings as well as the burdens. I know I will come out of this a better me. Just taking one step at a time, trusting in Him and allowing the process to happen as it will. Just me, Him and my butterflies. 

Saturday, February 7, 2015

Broken Dreams

When forever
Becomes over
Becomes never
And the tears
Threaten to drown
Me in sorrow
When the projector
Keeps playing
The memories
In my mind
And my heart
Is a gaping wound
Of despair
Where the trust
In loving me more
Became too much
Surrounded by
And emoticons
And letter abbreviations
That no longer exist
Just white space
In the end
Was real
And fairy tales
Don't come true
Deeply saddened
By the loss of what was
How to proceed
In this reality
Without you
There are
No words
For these eyes
Are crying
For the promises
That will
Never be
My naked finger
A constant reminder
Of our broken dreams
If I had only...

~Renee Monique

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Authentic Me

Time to leap
Beyond the resistance 
Propel myself forward
Take a stand
Trusting, but not knowing
Where I may land
Having come too far
To acquiesce now
Look to the sky
It is my time
To shine
Embrace the woman
I am becoming
The doors before me
None of them marked
My path is open
Which endeavor to choose
Nothing to lose
It is my time
To soar
And to fly
I am confident
I will reach new heights
There are no limits
To what l can do
I believe
In my power
To succeed
And to become
The authentic me
I have always dreamt
I could be
It is my time...

~Renee Monique

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Silent Conversations

I am a conversation waiting to happen.  
Or conversations (plural).  
Many of them disguised as internal turmoil.
The ways of my youth more deeply ingrained than I imagined.
At any one time an image will appear and the conversation I want to have,
(that can't seem to master the trek it requires),
refuses to escape my lips and produce actual sound.
Swallows me whole.

I found this today written on several little post it notes, in my handwriting.  The problem is, I do not know if I wrote it or if I read it and wrote it down because it resonated with me so deeply.  It is not beyond me to write something that so profoundly depicts my internal state of being at times, but I do not want to take credit for it just in case I am not the original owner. I thought I would share it either way as I believe I am not the only one who has traversed the bridge that growing up silent requires.

Worth noting:  I have recently found the voice to the conversations I have in my mind and it has been liberating on a level that I could never have fathomed.  There is freedom in speech. Now I am finally able to connect the dots.

Friday, July 12, 2013

Change Your Mantra

Dear Renee,

After a long night of contemplation and troubled sleep, you have awakened to the realization that it is time for you to change your mantra.  Your old habits, patterns and messages no longer serve you.  You are currently in a cycle of endings.  Every aspect of your life right now is drawing to a close.  The fear of it all is terrifying, we know.  It is this fear and these thoughts that have kept you vacillating and in a state of unrest.  A prisoner of sorts in a prison of your own making.

It is time for you to change your mantra. It is time to embrace your awakening, rebirth and the unknown.  It is time for you to relinquish your safety zones of familiarity.  You cannot grow into the person you are meant to be if you choose to remain still.  Your new mantra needs to embody the love of self, deservedness, power, capability, truth, authenticity and belief in all that you are, because you are all of that and more.

You can do this.  You will do this. 

It is time to change your  mantra to one that will reflect the beauty waiting to unfold before you.  Embrace the ending of this chapter with an all-knowing purpose.  Tighten your seat belt on this roller coaster ride.  Surrender and stop fighting your way to it.

We won't let you fall.  We are here to love and guide you through it.  Trust.

With Grace and Gratitude, always.

In Light and Love,
Your Angels

Friday, May 3, 2013

This time...

This time I will get it right
I tell myself
Been there
done that
This time will be different
It has to be
How else will I be able to
learn and grow
and own
this path that I am on
This time I will heed the valuable lessons
I have learned
Allow them to seep into my being
planting seeds of renewal
This time I will stand in my truth
and applaud my courage
and ability to leap
into the unknown
This time and always
I will come from a state of
grace and gratitude
letting those emotions prevail over
the vice that clenches my heart
This time was the last time
This time..... I am getting it right.

                 ~RenĂ©e Monique